To better grasp how to resolve conflict, let’s look at a scenario of XYZ Company, a manufacturing company with 80 employees.
Will Kirk and Andy learn how to resolve conflict?
Kirk, who has been with XYZ for 20 years, is a senior factory manager. He oversees the operations floor, supervises factory workers, and ensures that the factory runs smoothly. On the other hand, Andy is the head of sales and marketing. He pushes XYZ’s products into the market and gives his yearly, monthly, and daily projections to Kirk, who then projects raw materials requirements and submits the same to the purchasing department.
Kirk and Andy are the old-timers in XYZ. Both are jovial but hardly get along in the workplace. You see, Andy’s goal is to sell as much as possible and he thinks that the production department (Kirk’s kingdom), should keep up. But then Kirk is inclined to take things slow because he’s very detailed and wants to produce high-quality output with as little to zero spoilage, rejects, and scraps. Voila! Conflict.
Will Stanley and Jim learn how to resolve conflict?
On the opposite wing is the customer service department. While most of their services have already been outsourced overseas, Stanley and Jim head the 10-person team for domestic distributors. Their main task is logistics, but what they do daily is make sure that the supply chain (from raw materials to production to distributor to retail outlets) runs efficiently. A tall order.
Stanley and Jim are extremely good at what they do. In fact, one manager quipped that they “make dreams come true” because they get things done right and quick, all the time. However, while their stakeholders (distributors, employees, and other stakeholders) respect them, Stanley and Jim are constantly at each other’s throats simply because their managerial styles differ.
Stanley is the proverbial, harsh schoolmarm who adheres to rules no matter how unreasonable, while Jim is your typical neighbourhood sweetheart who everyone wants to befriend. Both are great at what they do, and both get the job done. But Stanley feels Jim doesn’t take things seriously. Jim, on the other hand, thinks that he must “clean up and PR” after Stanley since everyone (clients included) fears him. As a result, everyone feels the tension in the office. Something as trivial can escalate into a verbal brawl between the two.
The types of conflict
There are two types of conflict – DIRECT and LATENT.
Direct conflict happens when there is a clear difference in opinion. This may happen when a person’s point of view is different from someone else’s or when one’s needs are at odds with another. (Kirk and Andy).
The second type, latent conflict, involves situations where bad feelings develop over time, creating a block to productivity and relationships. This kind of conflict happens for several reasons. It may be because someone didn’t handle a situation well, a team member lacks a skill set, or in this case, personality differences. (Stanley and Jim)
Nobody wants conflict. It bruises egos, burns bridges, and can negatively impact morale in the workplace. But why do people avoid conflict?
- It’s simply too risky – too much political risk that could damage a project, a proposal, or even a career.
- It’s too personal – people feel that the issue isn’t work-related, so they simply let it go and lick their wounds in private.
- It’s just not worth the hassle – because it’s simply too hard and unpleasant. It could also be because the person lacks confidence or control to manage the situation.
As you may have experienced so yourself in your workplace, the inclination to avoid conflict is high when the conflict is latent. On the other hand, direct conflicts can easily erupt into an open situation.
What does it take to settle conflict effectively?
Rule #1: You gotta be a tiger
Conflict resolution is not for the faint-hearted. A good conflict handler must have:
- Courage – The process of resolving conflict often involves misinterpretation and hurt feelings. It takes courage to be calm and deliberate.
- THE ABILITY TO THINK QUICKLY – Being prepared is half the battle. But being prepared also means anticipating that your resolution may not pan out as you expect.
- THE ABILITY TO BALANCE INTERESTS – No matter how offensive the other side is, a good conflict handler must care about the other person and his/her point of view while looking after his/her own needs.
- Patience – In many conflict scenarios, one must adopt the mindset of temporary ambiguity. This means that one party (or both) may have to work with disagreement until an acceptable solution is arrived at. It may be resolved in your favour. But it may also be resolved otherwise. In such a case, a good conflict handler must also be able to…
- COMPROMISE – The conflict may be resolved… but not in your favour. If so, you must be willing to compromise and accept the solution.
Rule #2: Know when to surrender and when to fight
We all want to hold our ground. But ask yourself, is it worth it? An easy way to avoid conflict is to evaluate how much interest you have in the outcome versus that of the other party. Know where you are in this table.
Rule #3: It’s all about balance.
It all comes down to squaring out being “cooperative” versus “advocating” for your cause. Strike a balance between being passive and aggressive. The challenge is to find a middle ground. Words play a huge role. For instance:
Passive phrases sound like:
- Whatever
- Doesn’t matter
- It’s okay… whatever is ok
Aggressive phrases sound like:
- What’s wrong with you?
- You always …
- You hardly/never …
- I want this from you – OR ELSE!
Assertive phrases sound like:
- This doesn’t seem to work for both of us. It’s not working for me because … and it’s not working for you because… What works for me is this… What would work for you?
- The next time something like this comes up, can we agree to continue by letting each other know we are tired and need reschedule the conversation for the next day …?
- These are (established facts and numbers) we are getting. You mentioned that … but what we need is … Let’s see if we can come up with a workable solution.
Now take a minute to think through all the misunderstandings you have had with others over the past six months. How were you part of the conflict? What could you have done better? Bottom line – it takes two to tango. Achieving a good collaborative understanding and way forward is a lovely dance if you are willing to learn the steps.
How to resolve conflict
Believe it or not, some people thrive on conflict, while others completely shy away from it. Other people see conflict as necessary and employ it as a tactic to get what they want, while others still do everything that they can to avoid it.
Internal conflicts can waste time, create unhappy employees, and harm productivity. Conflict resolution, when done right, will have a positive effect on both the employers and employees.
Latent conflict is a type of conflict where bad feelings develop over time, creating a block to productivity and relationships. The causes vary and can arise from personality differences.
How to resolve conflict by understanding the issues
The first step (and usually the hardest) is understanding the issue because this step takes place in a meeting set for that purpose. More often than not, disagreements arise only because both parties aren’t on the same page. We too often avoid resolving conflict because of assuming a response of “How can I even set a date with someone hostile?!”. Regardless of your invite (email, SMS, written letter), set the tone by keeping it simple and non-threatening (this is now if you are trying to resolve a matter without wanting to escalate it to your Manager / HR yet – otherwise, they will handle the matter). I don’t recommend disclosing too many details as this already brings up the issue before the conversation starts. Instead, begin with “May we meet up to discuss the production schedule issue?”. If the other person begins to ask questions, answer with, “I know you might want to prepare, but if I open the conversation now, it may complicate things further. I’d be happy to discuss all these with you, and we can take all the time we need.”
When your dialogue begins, the day’s first order is to clarify the issue. Find positive ways to open the discussion by breaking the ice and keeping things pleasant yet sincere. Come to the meeting. Have specifics, numbers, or even documents on hand. Was there a particular instance that caused the issue? Mention it now. Identify behaviours (what was said, what wasn’t said), then discuss the impact these actions caused. This will help the person understand that you aren’t pulling issues out of the air.
How to resolve conflict by knowing your objectives
Secondly, know your objectives. Set a vision. You need to be distinct with your purpose. Do you want to resolve a business issue? Improve a relationship? Make the office environment less threatening? Deliver faster response rates? Communicating what you want helps both parties move from the past. It also encourages both to have a positive mindset.
How to resolve conflict by discussing alternatives
Thirdly, discuss alternatives. Once the objective is clear, both parties can discuss how to get things done. This is a crucial stage. This is the part where you can elicit ideas on how to correct a situation. It’s also a great opportunity for them to truly listen to what you have to say. Here are some effective catchphrases:
- What did you have in mind?
- How are you going to do it?
- How may I help you with this?
- What can both of us do to prevent this in the future?
How to resolve conflict by agreeing on an action
You must agree on an action. You may resolve this issue now, decide to escalate it or opt for more time. Whatever the case, be very clear about who does what and when. Agreeing, of course, is a long shot, especially if emotions get the better of you. Numbers and facts aren’t the biggest issues in conflicts. What gets on people’s nerves are emotions and feelings. Conflict always gives rise to a wide gamut of emotional and personal reactions. We deal with a disparity in situations, personalities, power differentials, and skills. For instance, differences in opinions may arise about performance between a team leader and his member. Expectations may be subjective and may not have been made clear from the get-go. This becomes even more sensitive where money and promotions are at stake. Stress, anxiety, fear, and frustration can create a communication block.
Here are some strategies for handling negative emotions:
- Always begin with positives: “The structure your team came up with is a solid one that works. However,…”
- Break the tension by being calm and truthful: “If I may be candid, I’m glad to be talking about this with you. I feel you are someone I trust to work this through with.”
- Recognize the other person’s difficulties and challenges: “I can see that this is quite a challenge for you/your team. I hear that you are having difficulties with …”
- Sit on the same side of the table. Sitting across raises a “barrier” and becomes a subconscious communication block.
- Take responsibility for your part of the problem. “I see that I’ve contributed to this by being/doing/seeing/not doing …”
- Apologize when necessary. “I’m sorry for unintentionally making such comments.”
How to resolve conflict by understanding the issues
Finally, LISTEN. Give the other party time to explain their side. The value of listening is rarely recognized. But this ability to receive and interpret messages is key to effective communication and conflict resolution.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion, and 90% are due to the wrong tone of voice. The skill to hold your opinion to yourself until everyone has spoken does two things:
- It gives everybody the feeling that they have been heard. They feel that they have contributed.
- You get the benefit of hearing what everybody else had to say before rendering an opinion.
Without this ability, messages (even those with good intentions) are easily misunderstood. Pay attention and listen to understand. Don’t listen to rebut right away. During the conversation, defer judgment and respond appropriately. Often, when the other party realises that he is being heard, he is most likely to defer judgment and respond positively as well.
The skill is really to keep your opinion to yourself. If you agree, don’t nod yes. If you disagree, don’t nod no. Simply sit there, and the only thing you are allowed to do is ask questions. So that you can understand what they mean and why they have the opinion that they have. You must understand from where they are speaking – why they have their opinion and not just what they are saying.
In the end, you will get your turn. It sounds easy – it is now.
Executing conflict resolution
Difference in style:
Certain behavioural styles react differently to conflict. For example, if you are a more dominant personality, you may tend to demand action when conflict arises. If you are a more interactive personality, you tend to attack when confronted with conflict. If your personality leans more toward being supportive of others, you tend to be more accommodating when conflict arises. Is one style better than the other? No, different styles are what they are.
Path to resolving unnecessary conflict
The important thing about conflict resolution is to understand the person or persons with whom you are having conflict. Let me repeat that. Conflict is not bad, and no behaviour is better than another. To resolve the conflict, it is important to not only understand your behaviour but to understand the other person’s behaviour.
There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration.
By domination, only one side gets what it wants; by compromise, neither side gets what it wants; by integration, we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish. Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional – it is more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship.